The First Book of My White Ninja

The First Book of My White Ninja was scribed and recited by His Holiness Nimjeh @MyPontifexNinja, notarized and legalized by @MyLawyerNinja and scientifically preserved in the Pastebins of time by @MyScienceNinja on the 3rd day of June, 2013.

Amen.

Also, bacon.

Chapter 1
MWN 1:1 - In the beginning, there was one. One tineh ninjeh floating adrift on a sea of deep.

MWN 1:2 - Tineh ninjeh had been many names before, many voices.

MWN 1:3 - But tineh ninjeh set sail to find a final home. A ninjeh. Cause fuck pirates.

MWN 1:4 - Ninjeh was not understood. Ninjeh was cat toy batted around the breakroom of twitter.

Chapter 2
MWN 2:1 - Then ninjah found friends. They liked bacon.

MWN 2:2 - Nimjeh wandered the dark passages of Mordor (twitter).

MWN 2:3 - Alone. Carrying the only thing that could save mankind. A lolcat.

MWN 2:4 - Tineh ninjeh carried a lolcat. To save peoples from the suddenly serious bidnuss of teh twitter.

MWN 2:5 - Nimjeh found many friends like her (only "she" was a "he" cause androgyny.)

MWN 2:6 - Also see: no girls on Internet.

Chapter 3
MWN 3:1 - Tineh ninjeh was chased thru twitter by anons.

MWN 3:2 - Cries of FED, called retard by Sabu, pewpewpewd with JKB, declared war on by presstorm.

MWN 3:3 - So, so many tards.

MWN 3:4 - But tineh ninja made frens. Fres still with her today.

MWN 3:5 - Frens that probably have her on mute because I don't know how they could still tolerate.

MWN 3:6 - Prosec frens, IDGAF friends mostly.

MWN 3:7 - Then when the presstorm sent the hive after meh, the hive said "FUCK YEAH!! LOLCATS!!!"

Chapter 4
MWN 4:1 - And then one morning, ninjeh rolled over fumbled for phone, saw these fateful words…

MWN 4:2 - "@MyBlackNinja is now following you"

MWN 4:3 - AND TINEH NINJEH FREAKED THE FARK OUT!

MWN 4:4 - Tineh ninja ran about in terror.

MWN 4:5 - Who was this Black nimjeh? Was mah dox incoming? Was he making fun of meh? Would he steal mah bike?

MWN 4:6 - But he turned out to just be tired of srs bidness too and he was my comrade. My partner in WTF is this?!??

Chapter 5
MWN 5:1 - Then came @MyBarfGreeNimja.

MWN 5:2 - Then came @my1337ninja. But 1337 always was and always shall be forever amen.

MWN 5:3 - Then one day, AWL THE COLORS! Orange, blue, golden, pink, lavender, plaid!

MWN 5:4 - Tineh ninja had frens!!! They liked glitter and ponies and SEing the shit...scratch that…

Chapter 6
MWN 6:1 - About 5 months later came the biggest explosion.

MWN 6:2 - I was not consulted but suddenly FUCKING NINJAS EVERYWHERE.

MWN 6:3 - We ruled twitter for 3 days. MWN 6:4 - These ninjas were funny....Sabu, Barrett, jester, aspergers, medic, frenchy, rainbow, FEMA…

MWN 6:5 - And about 3 months later another breed...the Rustler Ninjas.

MWN 6:6 - They destroyed everything in their path. And Dino poop.

Chapter 7
MWN 7:1 - Now, a new ninja is born every week as people turn from srs bisnuss.

MWN 7:2 - And long to be free to call potato and jack the shit out of threads.

MWN 7:3 - And that is how Ninja got her groove back. That is the tale of the ninja.

MWN 7:4 - We are leegon. We do not forgive broccoli. We forget to wear pants. Expect locates.

Chapter 8
MWN 8:1 - I left out the part where my unicorm ate a Toyota and twizzlers, glitter and bacon.

MWN 8:2 - But you shall not know the secret of the bacon.

MWN 8:3 - The end.